Relationship Is More Important Than Polarization: a reflection as summer ends and work begins again

Photo (c) Sam Lee

As summer gradually gives way to a new academic year and the rhythm of work resumes, I find myself returning once again to a conviction that has guided me for many years: a relationship should never be sacrificed because of a difference of opinion. It is with that conviction that I begin this new academic year and return to my work after the summer.

I am surrounded by people with strong convictions: within my family, among my colleagues, and throughout my circle of friends. Many of them have been part of my life for years, some for decades. On matters such as war and peace, international conflicts, politics, climate and the environment, gender, religion, and countless social issues, we sometimes disagree profoundly. At times our perspectives stand in complete opposition to one another. And that is perfectly all right.

Yet we live in an age in which a difference of opinion all too easily turns into polarization. It is as if disagreeing is no longer enough; we are expected to become opponents. Social media has only accelerated this tendency. A friendship built over many years can suddenly be reduced to a single post, a political conviction, or one heated discussion. People who have worked together, shared meals, laughed together, supported one another through difficult seasons, and walked alongside each other for years suddenly find themselves confronting one another publicly on social media.

Defend your relationships as faithfully as you defend your convictions.

Increasingly, I find myself asking: Is it really worth it? For me, the answer is no. This does not mean that convictions are unimportant. On the contrary. Some issues touch the deepest parts of who we are. They concern our values, our faith, our understanding of justice, and the way we see the world. We should not pretend those differences do not exist, nor should we act as though everything is relative. We are free to disagree, sometimes passionately. We are free to challenge one another. At times, we even have a moral responsibility to do so.

But a human being is always greater than his or her opinion.

My friend is more than a political position. My colleague is more than her views on gender or climate. I, too, am not the sum of my opinions about today’s conflicts and social debates. Behind every opinion stands a person with a history, with vulnerability, dignity, hopes, disappointments, and relationships that have shaped their life.

That is precisely why I refuse to allow years of friendship and collegiality to become subordinate to the polarization of the moment. We can look at the same world through very different lenses and still choose to stand beside one another. We can disagree profoundly and still share a cup of coffee. We can debate passionately without publicly attacking each other, and we can establish boundaries without removing one another from our lives.

A relationship built over many years should never be sacrificed for a disagreement of today

Perhaps that is one of the great challenges of our time: learning to live with differences without turning those differences into hostility. It is with that spirit that I begin this new academic year and return to my work after the summer. Not by setting aside my convictions, but by carefully guarding my relationships. Less desire to win every argument. Greater willingness to listen. Less public confrontation. More genuine conversation.

In the end, friendship does not require that we see the world in the same way.

Sometimes the deepest form of friendship is found in people who see the world very differently, yet choose not to let go of one another.